Comments on: Shame and restorative processes

By: Sujatha Baliga

Sujatha Baliga — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 23:07:57 +0000

Thanks for this post on shame, Howard. My mother tongue/first language has more words for shame than Eskimos have for snow. I think this is a part of the problem about discussing this in English: we need more nuanced words that include some of Braithwhite’s ideas of reintegrative shaming versus other types.

I particularly appreciated this statement: “But shame is too dangerous an emotion to deliberately impose or manipulate.” Coming from a family history in which shame was a part of what allowed abuse to occur and continue unseen, I agree that shame, generally, should never be cultivated, even if it ultimately has some positive end.

I like the way we think about the issue in Tibetan Buddhism: There’s a practice called the 4 Opponent Powers when someone has done wrong: 1) Remorse/Regret (which is distinguished from traditional shame), 2) Reliance (on the Buddha/Dharma/Sangha) and Reparation (of the relationship), 3) Resolve to change behavior, and 4) Remedy (in Tibetan Buddhism, this is the purification ritual called the Vajrasattva practice or also can be seen as making amends). It would be fun to think about a secular version for RJ purposes as an alternative to the word “shame…”

Another reason I have a problem with shame is that it has a self-focused element – *I* feel ashamed, *I* feel terrible about myself, etc. By contrast, recognition of the harm done and remorse and regret seem more concerned with my victim than myself.

warmly,
Sujatha

By: Joanna Lindberg

Joanna Lindberg — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:22:21 +0000

I appreciate the comments made above by my two favorite trainers in all the world. Both of you have come to Omahha to do Restorative Justice training and helped us move the concepts along here, slow but sure!

By: Valarie Binder

Valarie Binder — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:56:46 +0000

Thanks for this post Howard. This reminds me of a story told by Rick Prashaw in Winnipeg about 10 years ago of a youth who, when asked for his name said why do you want to know who I am? If it is to shame and critize me then, no, but if it is to offer me support and employment then yes. Shame, occuring naturally in a restorative community conferencing process is healthy, shame imposed by someone trying to make a point for their own gain is poison. All participants in restorative justice should share the same goal – either repairing the harm or supporting someone who is repairing the harm.